Unfinished Conversations

Hi. In today’s world, giving and receiving praise is a thing that occurs.

But do compliments make you break out in hives? Do you find yourself reflexively deflecting any expression of admiration with a self-deprecating comeback? I’ve been a terrible receiver of compliments for as long as I can remember. Emojis saved my life! But in the real face-to-face world, you can’t just heart-eyes your way out of these situations. If you are complimentarily challenged like I am, don’t worry, there is a cure.

The cure is this nifty guide on how to accept a compliment with the grace of a gazelle and the self-confidence of a potato. Follow it and you’ll be on your way to seeming at least 70 percent less weird when someone compliments you.

Step 1: Take a deep breath and remain calm. The compliment giver means you no harm. Do not run away in a fright.

Step 2: Do not argue with the compliment giver. They said you have beautiful eyes, so just say “thank you” instead of insisting that you’re squint. But make sure you do it with just the right amount of surprise. You wouldn’t want people to think that you’re so accustomed to flattery that it has lost its charm.

Step 3: Avoid compliment deflection missiles such as “It was nothing” or “I just got lucky.” Do not use self-deprecating humor to deflect the praise. “Thanks, I’m wondering when people will catch on that I have no idea what I’m doing!” Praise is not an attack you need to defend yourself from.

Step 4: Do not compliment the compliment giver in return out of misplaced politeness. This dilutes the sincerity of their praise. Attempting to reciprocate the compliment makes sincerity nearly impossible. E.g. Someone says “Omg I love your shoes!” and you say, “I love yours too,” and then look down to see their chappals. Just don’t.

Step 5: Do not qualify the compliment by pinning it to some external factor. E.g. someone says, “Your skin looks great,” and you say, “Thank you, it’s the lighting.” Or they compliment you on your sense of humor and you point to childhood trauma. No. Don’t do that (unless it’s your therapist?). It’s okay to just be great.

Step 6: Do not request a take-back or do-over. “Sorry, can you repeat that compliment? I wasn’t recording and want to get it verbatim for posterity.” Once is enough.

Step 7: Do not compliment the compliment itself. “What a wonderful compliment. You truly have a gift.” That’s just awkward for everyone.

Step 8: Try and make this the default protocol: eye contact, smile, “thank you.” Your mum taught you manners for a reason.

Step 9: Develop a signature “thank you” move. Consider a slight bow, a playful finger gun, or even a gentle fist bump to the heart (your own heart please, no need for assault.) This adds a touch of flair and wit to your gratitude, leaving a lasting impression on the giver of praise.

Step 10: Once you’ve expressed your gratitude, allow the warmth of the moment to linger for a moment, and then deftly steer the conversation elsewhere. My top recommendations are: complaining about work, asking about weekend plans, and restaurants to visit.

Step 11: If you absolutely detest receiving compliments of any kind, your best bet is to avoid them entirely. My top recommendations for making that happen are:

1. Being super duper unapproachable.
2. Being exceptionally mediocre at everything, all the time.
3. Doing excellent work, invisibly.

Well done, you charming devil!

The harsh reality is that this conundrum is unsolvable. It’s both terrifying and liberating to acknowledge that there are scenarios where your kindness has nowhere to go. So, take a deep breath and enjoy the dance.